When Faith Hurts: Understanding Spiritual Trauma
The church teaches us, from childhood, that the church is our safe place, our sanctuary, and the first place to turn when we are hurt by the world. What they don’t explain, however, is what to do when the church is the entity that hurts us.
I’ve always found this interesting, but couldn’t articulate it until a colleague recently said it to me. It shined a light on what I already knew to be true: so many of us are dealing with trauma that stems from harmful religious experience.
To add trauma to trauma, when we have approached the religious organization about the pain they’ve caused, we’re typically faced with gaslighting, blame, judgment and exclusion. So much for being our safe space.
While spiritual trauma is a common experience, it’s also one that we don’t talk about openly. When bringing up our painful experience, we’ve typically been silenced or gaslit when questioning leadership or doctrine. We’re often told we’re “Just being rebellious”, or “turning away from the truth”. We’re also told we “weren’t a good fit”, creating shame and embarrassment. Despite our best efforts to “fit in”, we never quite reached acceptance. This trauma comes from the same source we turned to for comfort or identity.
We often walk into places of worship carrying invisible wounds- grief, loneliness, fear, a longing to be seen and accepted just as we are. Church, for many, is supposed to be a sanctuary- a place where healing happens, where community uplifts, and where love is unconditional. But for those who’ve experienced spiritual trauma, that sanctuary can become a place of harm, where our cries for help were ignored. Instead of comfort, they find judgment. Instead of grace, they are met with shame. They may be told their pain is a result of weak faith or sin, that their questions make them rebellious, or that their identity is not welcome. They come seeking connection but leave more isolated, more confused, and more wounded than before- often with no support, no language to name what happened, and no safe space to process it. The dissonance- the gap between what church promises and what is actually experienced- is its own kind of trauma. The wounds we entered the church with- like worthlessness, abandonment- are reinforced, often intertwining with early attachment wounds.
The internal impacts of spiritual trauma are real, and significant. Anxiety, depression, identity confusion, and PTSD-like symptoms are all common in the aftermath of spiritual trauma. We often have fear of punishment or abandonment from our higher power, as we’ve been told we are sinful for not subscribing to the beliefs pressed onto us. This leads to an immense difficulty trusting ourselves and others- which plays out in many damaging ways in our lives.
Healing is possible. When we question a religious organization’s motives or beliefs, we are using our voice in a powerful way by speaking up for what is right. This allows us to explore a version of faith and spirituality that feels safe and authentic. It’s important to find a therapist who is spiritually informed and nonjudgmental.
Most importantly, you are not alone. When we talk openly about our experiences, we become the writer of our own stories instead of our abusers. Sharing your testimony can be extremely powerful not only in your healing process, but the healing process of those around you.
Many enter church seeking love, belonging, and healing- only to encounter judgment, shame and rejection. Instead of finding refuge, they leave with deeper wounds and no support to make sense of their pain. This gap between the promise of spiritual comfort and the reality of spiritual harm is at the heart of spiritual trauma.
You deserve love that doesn’t come with conditions, belonging that doesn’t require erasing parts of yourself, and healing that doesn’t deepen your wounds. And if you believe in a higher power, know this: they grieve the harm done in their name. They’ve never asked you to suffer to be worthy. You already are.
